Animals In Print
The On-Line Newsletter
From Animals in Print 5 January 2001 Issue:
YOUR DOG'S NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS
1. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
3. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
4. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
5. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
6. I will not eat the cats' food, before, or after, they eat it.
7. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
8. I will not throw up in the car.
9. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
10. The litter box is not a cookie jar.
11. I will not wake up Mommy by putting my cold, wet nose on her bottom end.
12 . I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think that I am hemorrhaging.
14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.
15. I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is sitting on the toilet.
16. We do have a doorbell. Therefore, I will not bark each time I hear one on the television.
17. I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with them.
18. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
19. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
20. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and car registration.
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