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Animals In Print
The On-Line Newsletter

From 9 February 2004 Issue


One day, three animal experimenters were involved in a fatal car crash. They found themselves outside a set of pearly gates being greeted by an angelic scientist with a halo. The angel welcomed them to heaven and guided them through the gates towards a huge building which they quickly saw was a giant research lab. Entering, they saw every type of experimental equipment they could ever have wished for - surgical implements, electrodes, drugs, toxins and irritants and racks of rabbits and mice and pens of monkeys, beagles and kittens.

"Is this heaven?" asked one of the scientists.

"Oh yes, this is heaven," confirmed the angel.

Rubbing their hands in glee, they realised they could continue their lives' work after death and had been provided with all the necessary resources.The angel led them towards a set of stocks and to their surprise they were clamped in place. Electrodes were implanted into their brains and day after day, bleach was sprayed into their eyes and they were cut open,
sewn up, injected, force fed, abraded and burnt. The only thing they could not do was die.

Finally one of the scientist screamed out, "You lied! This is not heaven!"

The angel indicated all the animals in cages and pens and only then did the scientists realise that none of the cages had doors and none of the pens were locked. The animals were bedded down in comfort, singly or in groups as they wished, and were impassively watching the agonising experiments being performed on their former tormentors.

"Oh yes," said the angel indicating all the animals, "This is heaven. But nobody said it was YOUR heaven."

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