Matt was shot dead by one of his buddies while hunting.
His wife, Doreen, was taking care of the funeral arrangements with
the undertaker when she was asked how she wanted Matt's obituary
to read.
Doreen asked the undertaker, "How much does an
obituary cost?"
The undertaker replied, "One dollar per word."
Doreen thought for a minute and said, I want the obituary
to read – “Matt’s Dead.” The undertaker was an old hunting buddy
of Matt's and he was a little disturbed by such a curt obituary,
so he offered, "I'll make you a special deal since I knew Matt
so well. I'll pay for half of the obituary out of my own pocket."
Doreen's face lit up and she replied, Great, in that
case, I want it to read – “Matt‘s Dead, Hunting Gear For Sale."
A father and son went hunting one day. While they were
out in the woods, the boy suddenly became curious about the world
around him. He asked his father, "Why are trees green in the
spring and summer? The father replied, "Don't rightly know son." A
little later, the boy looked at his father and asked, "What
do deer eat in winter?" Once again the father replied, "Don't
rightly know son." A little later the boy asked his father, "Why
is the sky blue?" Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly
know son." Finally, the boy asked his father, "Dad, do
you mind my asking you all of these questions?" The father replied, "Of
course not; if you don't ask questions, you'll never learn nothing'."
At an animal rights meeting, a well-known activist
is invited to tell hunting jokes. Since his audience has heard all
the jokes before he just calls out a number and everyone laughs uproariously.
After a few numbers are called out, a new-comer asks a person sitting
next to him, "What's going on?" She explains to him, that
the jokes are so old and have been around so long here that they
have them all memorized and just shout out the numbers to save time." At
that the new-comer thinks stands up and shouts out #29..but the only
reaction he gets is total silence. He asks, "What went wrong?" The
person next to him just shakes her head and says, "Some people
just can't tell a joke right."
A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides
to clean and serve the venison for supper. He knows his kids are
animal rights activists, and won't eat it if they know what it is
- so he does not tell them. His little boy keeps asking him, "What's
for supper?" "You'll see", says his dad. They start
eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says
her dad, "here's a hint, it’s what your mother calls me." She
screams.
THAT'S FAST!:
Three boys are in the school yard bragging of how great
their fathers are.
The first one says, "Well, my father runs the
fastest. He can shoot an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets
there before the arrow."
The second boy says "Ha! You think that's fast.
My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and gets there before
the bullet."
The third one listens to the first two and shakes his
head. He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My father
works for the USFWS. He stops work at 5pm and he is home by 2:15pm"
