C.A.S.H. apologizes if you are not
The DNR wanted to start a program
to cull coyotes; they noticed that coyotes could communicate over long
distances with their calls to other members of their family group. In an
effort to deceive them by imitating their calls they spent $200,000 to
engineer a device that would artificially reproduce a coyote-call that
was very commonly heard in their region.
When they field tested it, it was
a total flop. Undaunted they spent another $50,000 in travel and
consulting fees to bring in the world’s leading expert on coyote
communication. They sat him in front of the device and asked him to
listen to the sound they had so laboriously constructed and find out
what it was communicating to the coyotes.
He listened very intently – took
copious notes, furrowed his brow, rolled up his sleeves sighed and
nodded. After half an hour the DNR staff suspected he had deciphered the
sound; unable to contain themselves they asked him: “Well what does that
He looked at them, leaned back in
his chair and slowly opined: “As far as I can make out – it’s something
like ‘Can you hear me now?’”
A hunter, a hiker, a movie star,
the pope, and a pilot were on a plane.
When two engines failed
concurrently the plane was going down fast, and there were only four
parachutes for the five of them. The pilot took one and jumped, then the
movie star took one and jumped, and then the hunter took one and jumped.
The pope told the hiker to take
the last one.
The hiker observed, “There are
still 2 parachutes left! The hunter took my backpack!”
Three statistics professors went
hunting. When they saw a deer in the clearing, one of them shot and
missed by ten feet to the left. The next one missed by ten feet to the
right. The third one jumped up and yelled, “We got him!”
Jethro and Clem, two
down-to-earth country folk, went hunting in Arkansas. They were
complaining about all the rich, no-good city-slickers coming to hunt on
When it got dark they decided to
camp near a swamp and continue in the morning.
After they dozed off something
near their camp got Jethro’s attention and he decided to wake up Clem.
He pointed and yelled, “Look Clem!”
When Clem looked he saw a man’s
head hanging out of an alligator’s mouth. Totally disgusted, Jethro said
“Look at that rich s.o.b., he comes down here with his fancy Lacoste