Ask Uncle Joe

WOULD YOU RATHER SNAIL MAIL YOUR QUESTION? SEND IT TO: ASK UNCLE JOE, C/O WILDLIFE WATCH, BOX 562, NEW PALTZ, NY 12561.

UNCLE JOE GETS A LOT OF MAIL SO DON’T BE OFFENDED IF HE CANNOT ANSWER YOUR QUESTION IN THE COURIER. HECK, HE’S GOTTA WORK A DAY JOB, TOO.

Ladies and Gentlemen
We Have a Winner!

As you may recall, in the last issue of the Courier we ran a contest asking our readers to reply to some hate mail “Uncle Joe style.” After reviewing the submissions, one in particular stood out for its realistic solution to the problem posed, and its brilliant use of sarcasm (Uncle Joe loves sarcasm). Congratulations to Michelle Marcus, our “Uncle Joe” – or perhaps “Auntie Michelle” – for the day! Below the letter is Michelle’s reply.

Dear Uncle Joe:
Your group is nothing but a bunch of Idiots. Abolishing sport hunting is an extremely done. You say it destroys the ecosystem people have been doing it for thousands of years and it has worked out great.Many picutres that are drawn for the Audobon Society were done by killing the animals. We do try to keep people from killing off the protective species - seals, whales, etc. what makes you so smart? What should I do about the bears that run through my property and kill my goats and chiskens? Without hunting those damn bears I’d lose more chikens all the time. They smashed out the fence and came in so how am I supposed to stop them. ? wioth a camera like your dumb site says to?

Lucas,
Nough, TN

Dear Lucas:
We commend you for taking the time to voice your opinion, especially when your argument does more to support our cause than hurt it. While we do not wish to engage in the puerile tactic of name-calling, a quick perusal of your letter suggests that we are not the idiots in this debate.

Instead of letting your chickens run free all day and night, build an enclosure for them and a shed where they can be brought in for the night. Clean your property of what might be attracting the bears, and consider installing some electric fencing to keep them away from the chicken enclosure. Sure, it might cost you a few dollars to build, but when you have animals it is your responsibility to protect them.

Our stance against sport-hunting has been clearly presented and supported by facts, while your rebuttal is neither. Please feel free to research this topic during the time you are not slaughtering chickens or shooting at bears, and write to us again. We can certainly use your help to further our cause.

Sincerely,
Michelle Marcus
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Dear Uncle Joe:

It appears that affiliates of your organization are attacking time tested American values. We are asking you politely to cease and desist your actions immediately.
I have copied this email and sent to the president of New Mexico State University as they receive Federal funding and the president needs to be aware of student and alumni activity that could be classified as “enemy combatants.”

Best regards.
Musa Sartor
Chief
Salafis Tiribe

Dear “Chief” Sartor:
I’m calling your bluff. You’re not really a “Chief,” are you? Salafi is an Islamic movement that sees the Salaf of the patristic period of early Islam as role models to be emulated, and the movement does not have a Chief. Also, I don’t quite understand why you believe that C.A.S.H. is affiliated with NMSU in any way. Since you’re a fraud I am denying your request for us to discontinue speaking out against the violence of hunting, but thank you for sending us one of the more bizarre letters we’ve gotten in a while.

Peace,
Uncle Joe
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Dear Uncle Joe:

I was reading “Hunting by Humans, Too Efficient-Nature has Solutions” on the C.A.S.H. website. And found the article very interesting, the author had done his homework on the ability for nature to stablilize its own population. But he did leave out one key factor in the reproductive process of nature. He used white tailed deer as his example, so I will use the same. The author wrote “If deer are hungry (not starving, but not well fed) the sexual drive of the male deer declines.” Which is completely true, But, the key element he left out is agriculture. Due to the sufficient supply of food at any given time of year provided by humans such as Soybeans,Corn during summer Alfalfa, Clovers in the fall anI understandd Legumes,Winter Wheat etc. in the winter. The deer population would fail to self regulate, and overpopulation would occur until some form of natural predator was introduced. Be it humans, coyotes, wolves, bears.... whichever. The author also states that Wildlife Agencies should institute doe seasons to bring the sex ratio to 50/50. Every state that permits deer hunting has doe seasons already, and states like Pennsylvania offer up to 4 doe tags per license year. And you are only allowed to take 1 buck per year. If you look at field reports and/or harvest listings you will see that the average harvest for any given state is between 1.7 and 2.2 does for every buck taken. I’m sure you can tell by now that I hunt, I did’nt write this email to argue or belittle anybody. Just putting in my 2 cents.

Thanks for your time,
Mac
Topeka, KS

Dear Mac:

Your observation about agriculture creating a never ending food supply for deer is astute, but it does not apply to suburban areas, where many new hunts are conducted. Your comments also shoot down the “starvation” argument that is often used as a reason for continuing hunting programs ad infinitum. And the entire population argument goes out the window when we speak of the plethora of Quality Deer Management programs that seek to increase the number of older bucks to allow hunters a better chance of killing a trophy.

If hunting programs were truly designed to reduce populations, there would be little restrictions on the number of deer a hunter could kill in a given area, and there would be no restriction on the age of the deer being shot. If it is all about reducing the numbers, killing young fawns and killing only females would seem to be the way to go. On the rare occasion when hunters are allowed to kill fawns, many within the hunting community raise their voices in objection. So reducing deer populations is not a claim that can be taken very seriously by those who understand what motivates state fish and game agencies.

Peace,
Uncle Joe
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Dear Uncle Joe:

I JUST PASSED 4 BEAVER THAT WERE KILLED AND SMASHED ON THE ROAD. IF THAT IS HUMANE YOU HAD BETTER GET AN EDUCATION OR LIFE. IF IT WERE NOT FOR THE TRAPPERS THE ANIMALS WOULD CAUSE MILLIONS MORE IN DAMAGE TO YOUR PRECIOUS HOMES. YOU HAVE MOVED IN AND DESTROYED THEIR HABITAT. SO GET A SMALLER HOUSE SO THE BEAVER AND OTHER ANIMALS HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE.

Christine,
Johnstown, NY

Dear Christine:

I’m sorry that you came across dead beavers in the road, but think for a moment about this: since beaver trapping is legal in New York State, the trappers in the area did not prevent these animals from being hit and killed. What does prevent these kinds of things from happening has little to do with wildlife management and a lot to do with driving more safely. Stick to the speed limit, be extra cautious when driving through areas where wildlife are known to cross roads, and petition your local government to install street lighting if there is none. Additionally, special wildlife corridors and crossing points that enable animals to get from one side of a busy road to another without putting themselves in jeopardy have been constructed and are being used in areas as diverse as heavily populated states like New Jersey and areas as remote as Banff National Park in Alberta, Canada. Ramps and bridges have been built to allow animals to pass over roads and tunnels allow safe passage beneath them. Wildlife learn to use these passages in a short time and the amount of vehicle collisions drops significantly when they do. Like I have said a thousand times before – humane solutions to problems that occur from living in close proximity to wildlife are superior to pseudo-solutions based on violence.

Peace,
Uncle Joe.

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