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The C.A.S.H. Courier Newsletter
Winter 2012 Issue

Ask Uncle Joe...

Would you rather snail mail your question? Send it to:
Ask Uncle Joe
PO Box 13815
Las Cruces NM 88013

Uncle Joe gets a lot of mail so don't be offended if he cannot answer your question in the Courier. Heck, he's gotta work a day job, too.

Letters are printed as received. They are unedited.

Dear Uncle Joe:

“We strive to engender citizen outrage…”  I think this snippet from your mission statement is telling.  Engender outrage? Why? To keep the money machine going?

Garth,
(Location undisclosed)

Dear Garth,

As I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “If you’re not outraged, you’re not paying attention,” let me inform you of the things that you’re not paying attention to.  We’re outraged over:

  •  Harmless wildlife mercilessly wounded and left to suffer and die.  They include those who were injured through careless shots and those who were shot in the face and in other body parts that hunters know will not lead to a lethal shot.
  • Trespassing hunters who violate the rights of those who ban them from their property.
  •  Hunters harassing property owners by leaving the entrails of murdered animals on their cars, porches, etc.
  • The obscene number of human injuries and deaths that result from legal hunting.
  •  State hunting clubs (masquerading as wildlife agencies) that create wildlife overpopulation and the problems associated with it in an effort to appease the hunting community.
  •  Hunters who drive down public roads with the carcasses of murdered animals hanging out of the back of their gas-guzzling trucks.
  •  Animals who come home dragging steel traps clamped on their mangled limbs.
  •  Litter in the form of tangled fishing gear, empty beer cans, and other assorted garbage that you slob, self-appointed “environmentalists” leave behind.
  •  Hunting dogs who were abandoned in the woods because they were not good enough for you to hunt with, or at the end of hunting season prompting calls from veterinarians asking us if we know of any rescue groups who can take in these poor dogs

Need I say more?

When our emotions are stirred to the point of outrage, great things can be accomplished.  In American history it was this outrage that sparked the women’s suffrage movement, the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement, and the animal rights movement.  When this outrage is focused and channeled into a course of action it can be an unstoppable force, and it is the power of this outrage that we wish to harness and use to protect wildlife from those who would do them unnecessary harm.  Stay tuned.

Peace,
Uncle Joe


Hey Knuckleheads:

If you don’t agree with hunting then you better be a vegetarian. Also, if it wasn’t for modern technology you wouldn’t be able to survive because your definitely to weak to be able to provide for yourself.

Marc,
Oakland, OR

And this gem….

Joe:
What’s wrong with eating NATURAL!!!! food that was not put together in a labratory by some skinny vegans in lab coats? the game i eat is the most natural food there is and its not the artifical soybean stuff that you p;eople eat. do you ever see a healthy vegetarian i sure don’t. your teeth will fall out ha ha

James,
Walden, OR
 
Dear Marc and James,

I’d like to address both of your letters together since you’re arguing against each other and probably don’t realize how silly you are.  Marc seems to imply that we’re against “modern technology,” yet James says (in a nutshell) that we should eschew modern technology and eat like our knuckle-dragging ancestors did before the advent of toothbrushes.  Perhaps since you guys live not too far from each other you should get together and get your story straight?  Marc would probably be OK with using his modern technology to drive to James’ house, but James would most likely prefer to walk to see Marc.  No problem – you guys can work it out.

Those who wish to avoid “artificial soybean stuff” can feed themselves very well without having to hunt, and those who prefer to use “modern technology” (like microwave ovens and slow cookers) can do the same. The commonality is that neither James nor Marc need to hunt to feed themselves (as evidenced by the greater than 95% of the American population that does not hunt and has not already starved themselves to death).

As far as my being too weak to provide for myself, did you know that I once tried out for the U.S. Olympic Weightlifting Team?  Well, not really, but I’m still plenty strong enough to handle the garden chores and cook myself dinner.

Sincerely,
Uncle Joe


JOe, I’m not calling you Uncle Joe. Get Real,
anyone who doesnt want hunting around is (a homophobic slur) lol. its a way of life, it has been for generations before us and will be for many generations after us. bunch of animal loving (misogynistic slur). i dont care what u Guyana think bcc ur not young to get huning banned, lol like i aaid before u parenta must be proud to raise a bnch of (misogynistic slur).

Noah,
Writing from youre mothers house. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
Dear Noah,

I see that woman hating and homophobia go hand in hand with hunting, don’t they?  Yes, hunting has been around for generations but have you ever heard of a thing called change? No?  Do you still want to be accusing women of witchcraft and hanging them? Probably.  Please get at least a third-grade education.  If you can’t do that, please at least learn how to use spellcheck.

Regards,
Uncle Joe


Go on to Peter's Humor
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