In Memory of My First Born Sam
Animal Stories from All-Creatures.org

By Susan Roghair [email protected] A poem and letter of love
August 2009

Samuel Wedgewood Bartholomew Born: July 11, 1987 Died: October 21, 2003 at 5:24 pm Age: 16 years 3 months 10 days

Today I held you in my arms Your breath still warm against my hand Our hearts were beating together And I wondered if you'll understand.

A few hours I did hold you Before the light did leave your soul I knew I would always keep you Forever in my hold.

My face on yours, yours next to mine, Your head in the palm of my hand I felt your body tense, then limp I hope you understand.

And so, your life slipped out of mine On this quiet sunny day But I knew that a part of you Was always here to stay.

My dear Sam on the blanket We were together 'til the very end I will always love you My dear devoted friend.

Your loving mommy, Susan

My dear Sammy,

Yesterday you left Molly, Frankie, Lucy, Benny, Mommy and your life here on earth. My special friend, beloved companion, dog-of-my dreams...I miss you so much. There will always be an emptiness in my heart. I love you and thank you for all you gave to me.  (To enlarge the photo of Sam, click on the link)

The vet said you out lived your body. You had over 16 years of life and love. Your mind was healthy but your body was gone. You weren't just a dog, you were my baby...we were the best friends in the world. I look forward to the day I find you and can hold you once again in my arms...I promise after that I'll never leave you again, and we can spend the rest of our eternal lives together.

We were together until the end. You were in pain, that's why I had to put you to sleep. I always promised you that if I thought you were suffering it would be the right time to say goodbye. We never took our eyes off each other. We held each other tight and told each other how much we cared. We both knew it was okay to go to sleep now. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. You passed with my face next to yours and the other side of your face in the palm of my hand. My other hand on your back, I embraced your body and felt you go. Your spirit passed through me. I mourned, kissed and petted you for 30 minutes after you were gone. I gently closed your eyes and kissed your eyelids shut. A part of my soul had been taken away.

Sam, you were my "first" baby and I will miss you very much. You were my loving, loyal friend until the end. Your gentleness and unconditional love is so missed and will never be forgotten. My precious, sweet, loving, loyal Sammy, you took with you a great big piece of my heart. I can never return the light you brought to my life, but I shall remain grateful to have been a part of yours. You will live in my mind and my heart forever, with deep appreciation and heartfelt gratitude for all you gave to me. I miss you deeply, and I hurt, for losing you.

My faithful companion Sam. We were together for over 16 years, you stood by my side, attended my wedding, moving from place to place, and you were always there for me. We traveled to many places together, Washington, DC, New York, Cape Cod, New Orleans, Iowa, the Carolinas and Smokey Mountains. We even took a ferry boat ride down the Mississippi River together. You comforted me during my divorce.

We parted yesterday and my heart is so heavy. You're missed terribly, and I hope you know that I love you, and did not want to see you suffer anymore. I will see you again someday, and we will be together again.

The house is so empty without you. It was time for you to go, your little body had battled enough and for so long. You couldn't stand any longer, defecated on yourself, walked in circles and in to corners of rooms you couldn't get out of. You kept falling over often banging your body and head on things and so often unable to get back up. You would exhaust yourself.

Yesterday I found you trembling, whimpering and your little furry jaw was shaking. You were in pain. I'll always remember you as being a brave, lovable, loyal friend.

Oh, Sammy.... I wish I could find some beautiful words to say what is in my heart. But you know already what I feel, don't you? I didn't want to let you go, my precious fur baby, but I knew it was time some where deep within me. You were old, sick and weak, and couldn't do the things you loved so much.

Always remember the fun days when we went to the beach. You loved to swim underwater like a deep sea diver looking for the rocks I threw for you. You loved the park, digging up the grass. You used to love to squeak your teeth on racquetballs. Food was your greatest love. You ate with a ferocious appetite right up until the very end.

It was the most loving thing to let you go... keeping you here with me would have been for me, not for you. Last night before bed I lit a candle and looked at photo's of you. I petted the three locks I cut off your tail, side and head. I stayed up a few hours looking into the white candle that burned so gently and softy as I whispered "Sam, go to the light".

A few hours later it was time for bed. I didn't want to blow the candle out, so I took it with me and placed it on the dresser. A talked on the phone with a friend, then said goodbye. As I positioned myself in the sleeping position and adjusted the pillow under my head, I reached for the light and turned it off. I looked over at your flame of love and within less than a minute it faded to a low burn and went out. As if by fate it was if you were waiting for me to say goodnight.

You rest now and play in Heaven frolicking with my mother. She will be so happy to see you! Give her plenty of nose kisses. I will see you again someday. I will love you forever and ever, my little doggy soul mate.

Sammy, rest in peace now, and may the light of a beautiful sunny day always shine upon your sweet, gentle face.

For ever in my heart,

Susan

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