By Steven Garnett on This Dish is Veg
If you are vegan or vegetarian then you know what it’s like to be bombarded with the same questions over and over again. Sometimes the questions, even though repetitive, are legitimate and worth answering. Sometimes the questions are so ridiculously absurd you want to slap the asker in the face, but you do not because you are trying to promote non-violence. Today I present to you my own personal top 10 questions I am asked as a vegan, complete with my answers!
1. You don’t eat meat?! WTF is wrong with you?!
No I do not eat meat or anything else that comes from a living creature for that matter. Nothing is wrong with me; I just have reached a point in my life where I can no longer support things for which I do not stand. Go and do some research about factory farms and then ask yourself why you are still eating meat and what is wrong with you?
2. How do you get enough protein? You are going to die!!!
I am not going to die, just calm down for a second. I know that you think protein only comes from things that bleed but where do you think herbivores get all their protein? FROM THE PLANTS!!! I am not going to write a whole report about how much protein you need and where we get it from as vegans but if you really want to brush up on it, check out this article by Reed Mangels, Ph.D., R.D. (It’s got charts and everything!)
3. You are still going to die!!! Where do you get enough Calcium?! YOUR BONES ARE WITHERING AWAY!!!
Still at it I see…. Listen now, my bones are so strong that I have never even broken one. I once even fell off of a house and was fine….Well, it hurt but I did not break anything! Calcium is in all kinds of things. Nearly all the milk alternatives are jam packed with calcium, and my personal favorite: broccoli! Dark leafy greens have calcium and so do many other foods. And yes that’s right, another article by Reed Mangels, Ph.D., R.D. (More awesome charts!)
4. Is semen vegan? (and all other ridiculous forms of this question)
What is sad is that I think I hear this question more than any other. Usually the person asking the question is attempting to be funny or clever, as if no one has ever asked you this before in some form or fashion. Well guess what buddy?! I hear this sometimes more than once a day, and I am getting sick of hearing it! So for all of you that ask this ridiculous question to your vegan friends, I will attempt to finally answer it. I would have to say yes, that semen is in fact vegan. I have come to this conclusion because usually no humans were harmed during the extraction of the semen, in fact most probably enjoyed it. Sperm are living cells but not complete organisms. If you were going to go by this ridiculous standard that would mean vegans could never have sex at all because all the sperm that would die. In fact it would mean that vegans could never ejaculate in any fashion. Also vegan means no animal products. Humans are technically animals, so if you were going to be that ridiculous it would mean you could not kiss anyone because you would consume their saliva which would be an animal product, nor could you eat because you would swallow your own saliva which is an animal product. Do you still feel clever? Do I have to give more idiotic examples?! Let’s hope not…
5. I get why you don’t eat meat, dairy, and eggs but what’s wrong with honey you silly vegan?
You are just being speciesistt if think bees or any other bugs are not animals. It seems to me like we enslave the bees and steal their honey. Bees are actually pretty smart too; I even once saw a documentary where it showed sober honey bees throwing drunken honey bees out of the hive until they had sobered up! Check out this cool article all about veganism and honey!
6. To really be vegan shouldn’t you be pro-life?
Now you are really opening up a can of worms. (But at least someone let those poor worms out of that can!) I personally am pro-choice. I believe that when necessary a woman should be able to choose abortion. Is this a vegan practice or not? It is debatable of course, but sometimes in life as a vegan you just have to do the best you can. For example, there is only one vegan condom that I know of and you have to order it off of the internet. What if you order some and run out? I would just use a normal one even though it is not vegan. There are no vegan birth controls available, so does that mean we should just stop having sex or reproduce like crazy? Use birth control people! You cannot do much for animal rights if you are stuck paying thousands in child support or raising 12 kids.
7. You murderer! Are not plants living things as well?
Not this again…. I am not even going to go here after the semen question. Ryan Leitch said it best in her article a couple weeks ago called Forget the animals, spare the plants: The plants feel pain too 'argument'.
8. Ungrateful sinner, don’t you realize God intended for you to eat meat?
I like this question because the answer is so simple. Go and research factory farms and then tell me if that is what your God intended.
9. Milk/eggs do not hurt the cow/chicken so what’s wrong with that?
Every vegan is tired of answering this question but it is one that we must keep answering. Dairy cows stand on concrete floors for hours never getting to move, and egg laying hens are trapped in tiny cages for their whole lives. The animals are often abused by the employees of the facility. I could go into more detail but if you really want to know, check out one the many informative videos about the issue on the internet. Now do you see the pain? For those of you that say, what about if you own your own cow or chickens and treat them like members of the family? That is fine and all but to me eating and drinking the animal’s secretions, it just seems more disgusting than eating meat at this point.
10. Do vegans really have powers like in Scott Pilgrim???
I love this question and people really ask me this. Ever since Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World came out everyone is talking about the vegan powers. To finally answer this question officially, yes, vegans do have powers! I can’t reveal all of our powers to you at this time but I will go ahead and tell you there are 10 levels of veganism. I personally am a level 7 vegan. This means I have the ability to befriend animals (they can sense my veganism), convert others to veganism without even trying and enjoy increased energy levels, stronger immune system, super strength and flight. What are your vegan powers???
I hope I have been able to answer these questions for you today, or at least entertain you. If you have a question that I did not cover, feel free to ask me in the comments and I will do my best to answer you! Have a wonderful day!