MY BALONEY HAS A FIRST NAME: THE ART OF POLITICAL PANDERING
The Works of Mark Edgemon from All-Creatures.org

Mark Edgemon has been writing for 30 years. He writes and publishes short stories, articles, poetry and scripts, as well as, produces audio comedy productions for over 700 radio stations nationwide.

Contact Mark through his website, Creator and the Catalyst.

MY BALONEY HAS A FIRST NAME: THE ART OF POLITICAL PANDERING

I know that many laws are passed in favor of animal agriculture and against animal activists trying to protect them. Here is a fresh perspective on the subject.

There is a sale of politicians going on across the country. You can buy your favorite politician (voting machine) for bargain basement rates. Most of them are for sale. Just check out the rate chart below.

For example, if you make a donation of $10,000.00 you’ll get a nifty t-shirt that reads, “I just bought my very own politician and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”! They may throw in an autographed picture of themselves, looking like they’re doing something important. Don’t be too disappointed! You cannot expect to pull the levers of power for only a $10,000.00 donation.

If you donate, let’s say $20,000.00, you’ll get a t-shirt, an autographed picture and an automated recorded phone call from the politician thanking you for your donation. The call is designed to make you feel special, just like each and every one of the other 10,000 people who got the same call.

Now, if you’re willing to shell out $100,000.00, you can tell your newly bought voting machine (politician) how to vote. However, they may not give your suggestion much credence. It will all depend on their level of popularity and how badly they need your money.

If you make a “contribution” of $500,000.00, you will get the grand treatment. They will invite you to their office and will even serve you coffee. Well, their interns will get you coffee. After all, that’s what they get paid for, who by the way work for free.

The big loot goes to the deciders, who are the dividers of their “contributions”. Governors are bought for around a million, under the table, of course and the president won’t give you the time of day for anything less than 10 million.

But for a 50 million dollar donation the president will sit on your lap. He will be your new best friend and will even take your calls, especially when deciding on law that is particularly special to you. For that kind of money, he will be glad to make concessions on your behalf, which will be at taxpayer’s expense. It’s not coming out of his pocket. It’s coming out of yours. Spending taxpayers money on perks for financial contributors is also a perk for the politician.

Now the official term for contributions that are given out in exchange for new laws that favor the big money givers is called a bribe. The difference between the two words is the word “bribe” is illegal, but the word “contribution” is legal. See, by just changing the word, the crafty politician is in the clear and can cheat till their heart’s content.

However, their heart is never really content. They’re constantly looking over their shoulders.

Copyright © 2007 Mark Edgemon

 

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