Bible Questions and Answers

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On this page you will find some of the items, thoughts and messages that were submitted to the Veg-Christian E-mail discussion group, or to all-creatures.org.

Bible Questions and Answers
An example of really taking stuff out of context!

(submitted 2 Mar 98 by Gloriamarie Amalfitano)

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharoah's daughter; she went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.

Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar; he was on grass for seven years.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
A. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
A. Honda... because the apostles were all in one Accord.
A. 2 Cor. 4:8 describes going out in service in a Volkswagen, "We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement."

A. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
Q. Samson; he brought the house down.

Q. Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
A. In the Big Inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.

Q. How did Adam and Eve feel when expelled from the Garden of Eden?
A. They were really put out.

Q. What is one of the first things that Adam and Eve did after they were kicked out?
A. They really raised Cain.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home

Q. How long did Cain hate his brother?
A. As long as he was Abel!

Q. The ark was built in 3 stories and the top story had a window to let light in, but how did they get light to the bottom 2 stories?
A. They used floodlights.

Q. After the flood, how many people left the ark ahead of Noah?
A. 3 because the Bible says that Noah went forth out of the ark.

Q. Where is the first mention of insurance in the Bible?
A. When Adam and Eve needed more coverage.

Q. Where is another mention of insurance in the Bible?
A. When David gave Goliath a piece of the rock.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David, he rocked Goliath to sleep.

Q. Why was Goliath so surprised when David hit him with a slingshot?
A. The thought had never entered his head before?

Q. If Goliath is resurrected, would you like to tell him the joke about David and Goliath?
A. No, he already fell for it once.

Q. What was Jezebel's middle name?
A. ALPO.

Q. What do they call the elders in Federal Republic of Germany?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. If a circuit overseer and his wife have a baby, what do they call it?
A. A circuit breaker.

Q. Why did Paul tell Timothy to take just a little wine for the sake of his stomach?
A. Because it was Paul's bottle.

Q. What is the best way to get to Paradise?
A. Turn right and go straight.

Q. Why won't we drink milk in the new world?
A. Because, at Armageddon, there will be udder destruction.

Q. Why shouldn't Christians watch TV?
A. At the transfiguration, Jesus said, "Tell the vision to no one."

Q. Which servant of Jehovah was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses, because he broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Who was known as a Mathematician in the Bible?
A. Moses, he wrote the book of Numbers.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan, the banks were always overflowing.

Q. How do we know that Job went to a chiropractor?
A. Because Job 16:12, 14, 16 says, "I had come to be at ease, but he proceeded to shake me up: and he grabbed me by the back of the neck and proceeded to smash me."

Q. Will there be dogs in the new system?
A. No, 2 Peter 3:14 tells us that we will be without spot.

Q. Who was the straightest man in the Bible?
A. Joseph, because the Pharaoh made him a ruler.

Q. Who slept 5 in a bed?
A. Many faithful men actually, for instance, David was said to have
slept with his 4 fathers.