How to Give Your Cat A Pill

From all-creatures.org
HUMOR ARCHIVE

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On this page you will find some of the items, thoughts and messages that were submitted to the Veg-Christian E-mail discussion group, or to all-creatures.org.

How to Give Your Cat A Pill

From Doghause.com

  1. Sit on sofa. Pick up your cat and cradle him [or her...] in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to him.

  2. With right hand, stroke cat's throat until it opens his mouth (be patient). Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noting the direction he runs.

  3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, notice the direction he runs.

  4. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring him back into the kitchen. Hold cat as before, but hold down his front paws with forearm. Drop pill into mouth.

  5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.

  6. Get new pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.

  7. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick pill off of counter.

  8. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around him a little tighter, making sure his paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of his jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).

  9. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.

  10. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for seven or eight hours. Then repeat.