Humor for Lexophiles (Lover of Words)

From all-creatures.org
HUMOR ARCHIVE

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On this page you will find some of the items, thoughts and messages that were submitted to the Veg-Christian E-mail discussion group, or to all-creatures.org.

Humor for Lexophiles (Lover of Words)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
 
Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
 
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?. He's
all right. now.
 
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
 
The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.
 
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
 
When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate
 
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
 
A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened
criminal.
 
Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.
 
We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.
 
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
 
A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
 
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
 
A will is a dead giveaway.
 
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
 
If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
 
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat
miner.
 
When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
 
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.
 
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
 
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
 
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
 
He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
 
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
 
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine
 
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye
 
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
 
Acupuncture: a jab well done.