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HUMOR ARCHIVE

On this page you will find some of the items, thoughts and messages that were submitted to the Veg-Christian E-mail discussion group, or to all-creatures.org.

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Jewish Humor

Jewish view on when life begins:

In Jewish tradition the fetus is not considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

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5760=Year according to the Jewish calendar.

4697=Year according to the Chinese calendar.

1063=Total number of years that the Jews went without Chinese food.

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What did the waiter ask a group of Jewish mothers?

"Is ANYTHING all right?"

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How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

(Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody.

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Sam Levy was driving down the road, and gets pulled over by a policeman.

Walking up to Sam's car, the policeman says: "Your wife fell out of the car five miles back."

Sam replies: "Oh thank goodness...I thought I went deaf!"

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Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street and said: "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days."

She replied: "Force yourself."

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A young Jewish man calls his mother and says: "Mom, I'm bringing home a wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is Shooting Star."

"How nice," says his mother.

"I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's Running Water and you have to call me that from now on."

"How nice," says his mother.

"You have to have an Indian name too, Mom," he says.

"I already do," says the mother. "Just call me Sitting Shiva."

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A man calls his mother in Florida. "Hi, Mom, how are you?"

"Not so good," says the mother. "I've been very weak."

The son says: "Why are you so weak?"

She says: "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."

The man says: "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?

The mother answers: "Because I didn't want my mouth should be full of food in case you call."

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Jewish telegram:

"Begin worrying. Details to follow."

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A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?"

The boy says: "I play the Jewish husband."

The mother scowls and says: "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

We welcome your comments:


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