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HUMOR ARCHIVE

On this page you will find some of the items, thoughts and messages that were submitted to the Veg-Christian E-mail discussion group, or to all-creatures.org.

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Non-Standard Units of Measurement
(Handy Engineering Conversions)

  • Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi
  • 2000 pounds of Chinese soup: Won ton
  • 1 millionth mouthwash: 1 microscope
  • Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier: Mach Turtle
  • 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling: 1 lite year

     

  • 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone: 1 Rod Sterling
  • Half of a large intestine: 1 semicolon
  • 1000 aches: 1 megahurts
  • Weight an evangelist carries with God: 1 billigram
  • Basic unit of laryngitis: 1 hoarse power

     

  • Shortest distance between two jokes: A straight line
  • Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement: bananosecond
  • 10 cards: 1 decacards
  • 1 kilogram of falling figs: 1 Fig Newton
  • 1000 grams of wet socks: 1 literhosen

     

  • 1 million microphones: 1 megaphone
  • 1 million bicycles: 2 megacycles
  • 500 millinaries: 1 seminary
  • 2000 mockingbirds: 2 kilomockingbirds
  • 1/2 lavatory: 1 demijohn

     

  • 1 millionth of a fish: 1 microfiche
  • 453.6 graham crackers: 1 pound cake
  • 1 trillion pins: 1 terrapin
  • 100 rations: 1 C-ration
  • 10 rations: 1 decoration

     

  • 1 million billion piccolos: 1 gigolo
  • 10 millipedes: 1 centipede
  • 3 dents: 1 trident
  • 3 1/3 tridents: 1 decadent
  • 2 monograms: 1 diagram

     

  • 8 nickels: 2 paradigms
  • 105 dollars = 1 Millicent
  • 1012 antellas = 1 tarantella
  • 109 antics = 1 gigantic
  • 100 tics = 1 hectic

     

  • 10 aides = 1 decade
  • 1000 female sheep = 1 milieu
  • 2 doctors = 1 paradox

     

  • 100 Senators: Not 1 decision
  • 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital: 1 I.V. League
  • 365.25 days: 1 unicycle
  • Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour: Knot-furlong (say it out loud)

We welcome your comments:


(d-2)

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