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THE DAY I KILLED TEN THOUSANDÖPLUS ONE
By Mark Edgemon
The flies in Marvinís house were unbearable. Living near a landfill had its drawbacks, which included rats, roaches, flies and other species of uninvited guests, who would drop over without an invitation.
He called an exterminator once, who came over to his house and laughed.
The upside was his house came cheap, only two thousand dollars at the cityís land auction. He only had to pay the delinquent taxes.
But the flies were a major problem. Every time he would swat a fly he would hit ten of them. One time he paid an exterminator to tent his house and fill the tent with heavy insecticides for a full day to get rid of the problem. When the tent was removed, he had to shovel flies from the inside of his house, until he filled the bed of his old truck to the rim. Fortunately, he didnít have to drive far to the dump.
The next day, as Marvin was leaving his house, there was a horde of flies waiting for him outside his door. The word had gotten back to the fly headquarters what Marvin had done and so the order was sent out by the Director of the Local Order of Flies, that this mass murderer of flies had to be dealt with, after all, he was the new kid in town and the dump had been the flies safe haven since the dump becameÖa dump.
The horde pushed Marvin back into his house and with precision, began their assault on him.
Two thousand flies picked up the broken cord to his front window blinds and tied his hands together while another group of flies, tied his feet with an extension cord that was lying around. As he lay on the floor helpless another group of flies picked up his fly swatter and began to hit him across the face until he looked like a miniature waffle.
The flies were kicking him with their tiny little feet, biting him with their tiny teeth and generally giving him a bad time. The more he tried to get away, the more they tortured him.
After hours of abuse, the rats entered Marvinís house and began to bite him anywhere they could. You see, the rats wanted to show support for the flies, because the flies often would show the rats where the good rotting food was.
Then the mosquitoes came and started biting Marvin to the point that he knew he could not take it anymore. The mosquitoes were not necessarily helping the flies, they were just hungry and with Marvin lying helpless on the floor, they just saw it as a free buffet.
Eight hours later, the dump trucks started passing Marvinís house on the way to the dump, which got the flies and the rats attention, so they stopped for a moment to watch. It was at this point, that Marvin, feeling he had no other recourse, scooted across the floor toward the gas stove. He worked his way up on to his feet and using his teeth, bent over and turned on the gas. He then turned around and felt in one of his kitchen drawers for his cigarette lighter and after finding it, backed up to the stove.
He called out to the flies and said, forget about me? The flies headed in his direction with a vengeance and intended to show Marvin what angry flies do to their enemies. When they were inches from him, he flicked the lighter, which was behind his back and in front of his gas stove and the entire house exploded with a loud thunder, killing all of the flies, rats and mosquitoes, which numbered at ten thousand and also killing poor Marvin as well.
After the explosion, the ground continued to rumble for several minutes and then, oil began spewing out of the place where Marvinís house was like a geyser, shooting up into the sky. Well since no one knew if Marvin had relatives, the city took over the property and sold the oil for so much money, that the city did away with property taxes for the next decade.
It just goes to show you, when attacked by your enemies, know the ground your standing on.
Copyright © 2007 Mark Edgemon
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