Articles Reflecting a Vegan Lifestyle From All-Creatures.org

I Remember Going to the Barn at Night

From Nicole Thomson, GentleWorld.org
October 2023

I love this land of wild skies and black earth with such intensity that I have to believe things will get better here. If I can'’t do something to make my home a more vegan place then what is the point of being here?

The foundation under my privileged feet is ranching. The root reason why I was able to go to university, travel, and have never known hunger is that my family raised cattle. Beef put food on my table, even if I didn’t eat it. I know what modern farming practice entails. I have nightmares about branding and weaning.

I am eternally proud of my Grandpa; escaping Russia and coming to Alberta, living in a dirt-floor house, learning to read and write and becoming a successful farmer. Being a vegan in Alberta breeds contradiction. This perfect place filled with endless prairies constantly flicking within all boundaries of the rainbow. This sacred place with clear skies and clean air is a grave for all with four legs.

I metaphorically wrap myself in our blue flag with pride, even as I hate the people that go and cheer for the grown men terrorizing baby calves. Why? I should burn this fucking province down. Why do I stay in this place full of ‘MMM Bacon’ people? The most awful kind of hipsters ever. My Grandpa was a kind man with gorgeous blue eyes and a slight accent. He made his living raising cattle and selling them to die. He loved God. He loved me. As a Volga German, he had also been born to die. He witnessed family members being shipped off to the Gulags. This did not stop him from enslaving others and destroying bovine families. How deep and clawed into us is this carnivorous brainwashing?

I see all the cattle he was responsible for in Valhalla… perfect and happy. I imagine him now knowing how wrong he was. I can’t explain if it was naivety or denial that allowed me to be so complacent in torture for so long. I remember going to the barn at night to hold little calves in my arms, kissing their foreheads gently. My rationality was blurred by love and tradition. I baste in guilt that I take solace in the cow lives he can no longer harm. The sad thing is that there are always others to replace him.

I love this land of wild skies and black earth with such intensity that I have to believe things will get better here. If I can'’t do something to make my home a more vegan place then what is the point of being here?

---

Posted on All-Creatures: November 20, 2024
Return to Articles Reflecting a Vegan Lifestyle