Vegan on a Jet Plane by David Madow
An Animal Rights Poem from All-Creatures.org

All my food is packed, I’m ready to go
From Baltimore to Ohio
This one hour flight will put me to the test

Got a Tofurky sandwich – with fake mayo
Three slices of avocado
Almond butter and celery sticks in my vest.

My suitcase is gluten free
The TSA man winks at me
And waves me through every single time

‘Cuz I’m vegan on a jet plane
Plant based and feeling great again
Eating quinoa in the sky.

Now it’s twelve o’clock and almost time to board
Got all the food I can barely afford
I’ll wait for them to call me to the gate
When I look around, one thing I see
Is someone DRINKING diet coke and eatin' beef jerky

I pray to God he won’t be my seat mate
My tshirt says HERBIVORE
I’m led right through a special door
I get pre-boarded every single time

‘Cuz I’m vegan on a jet plane
And yes I’m getting enough protein!
So don’t you worry about me!

A guy asks me “May I sit here please?”
Then he pulls out a sandwich of liver and cheese
A girl’s wearing a mask (it’s not Halloween), I guess she's got strep throat

On the other side a lady resides
Eating rotten salmon sushi and a bucket of fries
Did I mention that she’s wearing a long mink coat? (and it’s August)

The flight attendant asks me what I’m readin’
So I pulled out my copy of Main Street Vegan
I get FIRST class upgrade every single time

‘Cuz I’m vegan on a jet plane
Eating fruit in the friendly skies again
Watching clouds go by.

The boy in back of me says his tummy is aching
As he’s eating five eggs and ten strips of bacon
I gotta do something before I go insane
So I ripped of my shirt and showed my vegan tattoo

I handed all the passengers a bunch of tofu
All of a sudden the aura on the plane changed

The guy in front of me started meditating
As the smell of kale was permeating

The flight attendants were investigating
When a man with diabetes threw out his medication

An elderly couple began copulation
Everyone was loving no one was hatings

The flight became so peaceful I could cry

The pilot said come fly with me
Just bring some extra broccoli
A cockpit seat every single time

‘Cuz I’m vegan on a jet plane
No one is eating meat again
Feel the compassion grow

‘Cuz I’m vegan on a jet plane
Don’t know when I’ll be back again
Oh babe I hate to go!

---

See David perform this on his website - The David Madow Lifestyle Show.