Cereal Killer: The Sugary Demise of Cap'n Crunch
By Mark Edgemon

From all-creatures.org

| Home Page | Poetry Table of Contents | Archive | Compassionate Internet Church |

Cereal Killer: The Sugary Demise of Cap'n Crunch
By Mark Edgemon

At a time appointed on a great, blue plastic ship,
A lone, bearded sailor spirited the milky seas,
With a purpose, only one; to slay with loss of sales
The enemies of his domain as he sailed into corporate paradise.

He shot holes in the Hawaiian canoes of those carrying Puffa Puffa Rice,
Causing the puffed rice to become soggy and undesired by the kiddies.
He electrocuted Frankenberry and drove a fork into the chest of Count Chocula,
A bitter and monstrous thing to do. After all, he was a maritime Cap'n.

Mikey ate his last bowl of Life, before an accidental death with a saber.
Sonny, the cocoa puffs Cuckoo bird is now in a clock somewhere, summoned hourly.
The notorious Froot Loops mascot Toucan Sam's beak is now an ash tray on the good Cap''s ship.
There is no room at the top, except for the cargo of sugary sweets from the Cap'n's table.

A is for apple, J is for Jack, who was crushed,
By the peanut buttery imprint of the cap'n's boot.
For the remaining breakfast horde, it was "crunch" time.
The rest of the gang became milquetoast (milktoast) and sank.

But there was a price to pay for being number one,
But not by the retired cap'n and his blood thirsty ad sellers.
Millions of diabetics who began their journey at the breakfast table
Are still there, trying to stay on schedule with their insulin!

The End

Go on to next poem by Mark Edgemon: Countdown To Destiny
Return to: The Works of Mark Edgemon