A Sentience Article from All-Creatures.org

To Lose with Grace...

From Edgar's Mission Farm Sanctuary
October 2024

Roulette showed me this the day she chose to step towards me. As her fear melted into something softer, she told that while one may lose with grace, they will always win with love. 

She was scared and stepped away. Her movements taut, echoing the tension of her past. I longed to tell her I came in peace, to wrap my arms around her trembling body and whisper into her tattered ear all would we well. But she was scared and stepped away.

Though rescued from her painful past, Roulette’s fear still clung to her, just as her body still carried the scars. Heart-wrenching reminders of all she had endured.

I didn’t want to leave on these terms. My ego didn’t want to be cast as the enemy, someone to be feared. My good intentions did not deserve that I felt. And although upset and hurt by this all, I knew that was not her intention for she bore no malice. And I know too well the dangers that occur when emotions drive actions. “It’s okay” I softly cooed and offered my upturned hand.

Still frightened, she stepped back once more. Her fear was an invisible barrier we were yet to cross.

Recognising that grace is more important than victory it was my turn to step away.

For several more days we played from this script. A delicate game of Jenga. Of me stepping away before she did. An act that not only recognised her boundaries but respected them as well.

I began to bring treats with me knowing full well she would not take them from my hand. Not yet anyway. And so, I placed them upon the ground before I slowly stepped away. My eyes averting hers in quiet reverence of her space.

After so many days of retreating, I had grown accustomed to our distant dance. To accepting that her trust would come on her terms, if it were to come at all. But on this day, it felt different. That unspoken void between us seemed to shift.

And then, it happened. The tension between us dissolved, replaced by something more unifying and serene. She exuded trust, and I felt it. I so joyously felt it.

She stepped towards me.

Although each hoof fall was infused with caution something inside of Roulette had shifted. She even offered me a soft nicker. A tentative greeting that caused me to smile in return – she had recognised by face and my form.

And so a slow dance began between two different species who spoke the common language kindness. To a quiet observer it might have appeared as a delicate melody playing out. An ebb and flow that recognised a growing trust.

A trust that would have developed faster had my visits not been punctuated with those dreaded daily shot of antibiotics. But the risk of leaving that injection out was just too great as a raging infection still had hold of Roulette’s once putridly fly struck rear end.

But then something happened. Something that would change everything.

I had just left Roulette bursting with a joy I struggled to contain. But I did least I scare her. A wheetbix crumb dripping from her chin. That lonely little crumb told so much. It told that when Roulette heard my cheery voice, her head immediately looked up. She came towards it in anticipation of the good things to come. I did not disappoint. I did not disappoint.

This journey with Roulette has reaffirmed many things for me. None the least that losing with grace carries more weight than the often-fleeting spoils of victory. It serves as a poignant reminder that trust, like love, cannot be rushed; it must be earned over time, in the sweet moments of patience and surrender. There’s a certain humility in letting go, and surrendering to what is. For the pace of progress may not be ours to hold.

Roulette showed me this the day she chose to step towards me. As her fear melted into something softer, she told that while one may lose with grace, they will always win with love.

Always with love. 

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Posted on All-Creatures.org: October 18, 2024
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