In Loving Memory of Sadie
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In Loving Memory of Sadie


It is Sunday evening, and my wife and I had to have Sadie our springer spaniel put to sleep last Friday. We've had a lousy weekend trying to cope with the huge hole she left behind in our lives.

It seems that everywhere I go, I see reminders and messages - her tracks in the snow, dog hair in the corners. I came across Gary Kowalski's book today, and read it this afternoon, with college basketball on TV to cover up the deafening lack of sound of toenails clicking through the house. I was impressed, and found your website.

Sadie was 11 and had tumor growing in her sinuses. We took a walk after the vet took away her body, mostly in silence until I was able to say to my wife that "I'll be really mad if the answers to a lot of questions aren't revealed to me some day!"

Saturday morning, I was awakened suddenly at 4 am after a vivid dream.

In it, I was asked to watch a small child. It quickly latched itself to me, and I to it - we were squeezing each other as if it were some sort of symbiotic relationship! Then it started crying, and its mother came, smiling, and took it from my arms. Later, I noticed that it had wet itself and me!

I woke up, and was sort of vaguely annoyed at having been peed on in my dream, when I remembered seeing the urine that Sadie had released on the blanket we had wrapped her body in. I suddenly felt as if a huge question had been answered - and that Sadie truly had rejoined God; someone (Someone) really was watching over all of us, and was kind. I still have questions, like "what's up with suffering?", but I do feel more reassured that maybe someday I'll find out.

Anyway, I hope writing to you is part of the healing process for me and my wife.

Dan Tolle

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