McDonalds to Study Cow Farts Before Turning Them Into Burgers
An Environmental Article from All-Creatures.org

From

Mof Gimmers, Bitterwallet
January 2010

Tesco did a bunch of tests on cattle that saw them fitting cows with microphones attached to a special collars which monitored their gaseous burps.

A study carried out in America in 2006 calculated that producing a single cheeseburger involves the emission of around 3.1kg of carbon dioxide.

The level of Bronx cheering that goes on in a field of cows is enough to end the world… or something. For some time now, scientists and experts have appeared in various media and fretted over our farty bovine cousins, claiming that cows will kill mankind as flatulent assassins. To be more scientific, they contribute a paltry 4% of carbon emissions. The cows, not the boffins – there have been no investigations into boffin boff levels, which in itself stinks.

As such fast-food giants, McDonalds, have stated that they’re going to look up the ring and start taking notes. The global meat vendors have agreed to look into ways of lessening the problem. A study carried out in America in 2006 calculated that producing a single cheeseburger involves the emission of around 3.1kg of carbon dioxide.

“This ground-breaking project will help drive further reductions in our beef supply chain,” Steve Easterbrook, chief executive of McDonald’s UK, told the Observer newspaper. “At the same time it should also deliver real financial benefits to the farmer.”

The first readings will be taken in the US and will be due in April and specialist consultants will advise farmers on the best ways to reduce emissions and increase efficiency. If it works, then they’ll roll their ideas out to McDonald’s in Europe.

Of course, McDonald’s aren’t the first megashop to try something like this. Tesco did a bunch of tests on cattle that saw them fitting cows with microphones attached to a special collars which monitored their gaseous burps.

Who knows – maybe we’ll all soon be duty bound to start demanding that McDonald’s kills cows at a much younger age so we can eat them before they gas us into oblivion. Everyone at Bitterwallet fully embraces any new Happy Veal Meal Deals.

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