Humor DirectoryTaslich
A Collection of Religious and Other Humor from All-Creatures.org

It is our hope that this collection of humor will help make us laugh at ourselves, and hopefully live a more compassionate cruelty-free lifestyle.


 

On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Taslich.

Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins.

Occasionally, people ask what kind of breadcrumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors:

For ordinary sins.......................White Bread

For erotic sins...........................French bread

For particularly dark sins...........Pumpernickel

For complex sins......................Multigrain

For twisted sins........................Pretzels

For tasteless sins.....................Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision................Waffles

For sins committed in haste......Matzoh

For sins of chutzpah.................Fresh Bread

For substance abuse................Stoned Wheat

For use of heavy drugs..............Poppy Seed

For petty larceny......................Stollen

For committing auto theft..........Caraway

For timidity/cowardice...............Milk Toast

For ill-temperedness.................Sourdough

For silliness, eccentricity..........Nut Bread

For not giving full value.............Shortbread

For jingoism, chauvinism..........Yankee Doodles

For excessive irony...................Rye Bread

For unnecessary chances..........Hero Bread

For war-mongering.....................Kaiser Rolls

For dressing immodestly............Tarts

For causing injury to others........Tortes

For lechery and promiscuity.......Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles......Hot Cross Buns

For racist attitudes.....................Crackers

For sophisticated racism............Ritz Crackers

For being holier than thou...........Bagels

For abrasiveness.......................Grits

For dropping in without notice....Popovers

For overeating..........................Stuffing

For impetuosity........................Quick Bread

For indecent photography..........Cheesecake

For raising voice too often.........Challah

For pride and egotism...............Puff Pastry

For sycophancy, ass-kissing.....Brownies

For being overly smothering.......Angel Food Cake

For laziness.............................Any long loaf

For trashing the environment......Dumplings

For telling bad jokes/puns..........Corn Bread

For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Taslich Mix available in three grades (Taslich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore.

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