Animal Rights Poetry and Prose By Heidi Coon from All-Creatures.org

Name an Excuse People Use Not To Go Vegan

Pardon
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Hiya

Thank you for contacting me.

Your comments are very important.

In order to better serve you, please read carefully and choose from the following:

• Press 1 now if …because lions kill, you have the divine right to eat meat.
• Press 2 now if …milk it does the body good & you have proof from a ‘got milk?’ Ad campaign.
• Press 3 now if …you know that killing animals is wrong & unnecessary, but, that’s just the way it is.
• Press 4 now if …your pointy fangs prove you’re a biological carnivore.
• Press 5 now if …you’re on a mission to ensure you get enough protein to sustain your sedentary lifestyle.
• Press 6 now if …your razor sharp talons could shred the hide of a water buffalo.
• Press 7 now if …you just really, really need to know where the hell you will get your calcium!
• Press 8 now if …you’d rather eat an animal's asshole than eat tofu.
• Press 9 now if …you’ve seen farmer john down the road petting his cows, so, hey, farming animals isn’t cruelty.
• Press 10 now if …as a carnivore; you could easily chase down a white tail deer, pounce & lock onto their body with your carnivore claws, sink your carnivore teeth into the deer's jugular, & eat the still warm entrails with your carnivore digestive tract JUST to prove humans are, indeed, carnivores.
• Press 11 now if …it’s your choice.
• Press 12 now if …bacon tho.
• Press 13 now if …animals can’t vote, understand law, or communicate with humans, ergo they’re undeserving of rights.
• Press 14 now if …being vegan is unhealthy! Just ask the USDA!
• Press 15 now if …yes you can be an environmentalist that eats animals!
• Press 16 now if …compassion is for pussies.
• Press 17 now if …you became vegan for ethical reasons, but are ok if others eat animals.
• Press 18 now if …you know of, at least, 5 vegans who were hospitalized for being vegan. And while, no, you don’t have any evidence supporting your claim, you still feel the need to spread this critical info because you feel an obligatory need as a fellow human.
• Press 19 now if …humans are superior. You are a humanitarian, oh, & fuck you, vegan!
• Press 20 now if …you want to know if vegans eat honey.

Okie dokie, artichokie.

1. …yes, lions kill. They have no other option but to kill to survive. As a natural predator they kill out of necessity. They do not kill for sport, they do not keep trophies, they do not farm animals, they do not breed animals, they do not have fast food joints. There are no morbidly obese lions waddling around the Serengeti. Sigh.
2. …actually, no. Milk does NOT do the body good. There is a mountain of available evidence proving that dairy milk depletes the human body of calcium, weakening bones. Cripes.
3. …there are lots of ‘just the way that it is’ type events all throughout our history that were abolished and/or laws were created/amended in order to prevent such hideousness in our society. Duh.
4. …you do not have pointy fangs. As difficult as it is for you to open a bag of chips with your teeth, you are really gonna harp on this argument? Please.
5. …the protein hype. Yeah, this one is pretty much the first argument to fly outta the mouths of zombies. What is a riot is that many of these protein obsessed types have visible high blood pressure. I know, I know…blanket statement. But I get a lot of trolls on twatter. Their profile pics showcase bright red cheeks, obesity, & a rather livid pallor. I’m just speaking from personal experience, man.
6. …yeah….mmmhmmm.
7. …kale & broccoli are loaded with calcium. Most dark, leafy greens are chock full, along with some grains. Also, remember that many foods are also fortified. Oh, & it ain’t ‘only vegans’ that need to or take supplements. Ass clown.
8. …hmmm. Well, ain’t you swell. Non-vegans eat just as much, if not more, soy. Sorry to burst your wildly erroneous ass bubble, but fast food joints are loaded with soy. Prepared foods, etc… read a goddamn ingredients list.
9. …ah, yes…nothing more natural than that of an animal exploiter showing affection to beings he will soon stick a knife in the throats of. You really are ok with that?
10. …yep. It’s your dream, make it as big as you want it.
11. …sure, it’s your choice. So it is the choice of dog killers & dog eaters. It is the choice of Japanese whalers to kill pregnant whales. It is the choice of a dog breeder to continually keep a prized bitch knocked up to profit off of her, selling litter after litter. It is a parent's choice to leave their children unattended in a swimming pool. It is the choice of a canned hunting patron to shoot & kill tame, drugged up tigers for sport. It is the choice of Canadian Fisherman to shoot or beat seals to death because they blame them for eating fish. It’s the choice of a socially dysfunctional teen to walk into school and kill their classmates. Etc…they all have ramifications. Can’t you see?
12. …if you’re really, really sort of fine with piglets being ‘thumped’ (grabbed by the back legs, swung, & smashing their head into the concrete floor as a cost effective way to kill them for food), then you are just plain hollow. I don’t even understand why your kind exists. Sadism serves absolutely NO purpose on earth. It is undiluted destruction.
13. …well, neither can severely developmentally disabled persons, infants, senile elderly, etc… Like, that’s your baseline? Weak.
14. …right. Cos the USDA ain’t never fibbed for their own profit. Gah.
15. …no you can’t. And neither can Leonardo DiCaprio…
16. …actually, no. Compassion is a virtue and all virtues are exhibited in those with strong character. Turd brain.
17. …then you became vegan. I know, I know ‘to each their own.’ I just don’t jive with that on account that it is NOT okay that others pay to kill & eat animals. It ain’t alright. It ain’t ever gonna be alright. Perhaps you ought tp redefine your purpose, as sending mixed messages & supporting exploiters ain’t doing any favors for animals. Perhaps a career in politics where diplomacy shines like fresh shit?
18. …mmmm. Yeah. Hey, I wonder if batboy, Elvis, or the bearded lady went vegan yet? Killer tofu!
19. …I notice a lot of these ‘humanitarian’ types on twatter that tweet me to go fuck myself… aw. Warm fuzzies.
20. …I don’t eat honey. Honey involves exploitation of bees. So, I’m totally opposed to it. You’ll find those that say they’re vegan & eat honey, eggs, crustaceans, wear leather, ride horses, purchase tropical fish, do not advocate, etc….

Vegans oppose animal exploitation.

Full stop.

Black & white.

No room for gray area.

If your comments went unaddressed, appy polly lodgies.

Please check back at a later time.

I am currently meandering through discourse on social media with animal-eating peeps' concerns.

More to come!

©Heidi Coon, 2022

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