An Article Series from All-Creaturs.org 

 

Animal Rights/Vegan Activists' Strategies

Unexpected Connections

From Post Animal Use World PAUW Project
August 2023

What I love about this idea that 'any comment is better than no comment at all', is that it gives us an opportunity to engage, stay playful if possible (even if we're being challenged), maybe educate. At the least, we know we've had some kind of impact—the results of that impact are not up to us.

Earlier this week, during a small virtual group meeting Anne P (founder of Conversations with a Friendly Vegan) said something that struck me. She said: 'even the most stupid comment is better than no comment at all'. It took a moment for me to digest what she said. Then, like a gentle slap to the head—the ah ha moment—I realized the implications of what she'd said.

She suggested that when we get a comment in response to something we've said or done, we've connected with that person. Even if the comment is unpleasant, ignorant, thoughtless, we've gotten their attention. I think she is right.

I appreciated the simplicity of the idea.

One of the attendees mentioned a situation as she was checking out at a grocery store. The cashier was someone random. He commented on her not having meat in her basket, and that she would get sick if she didn't eat meat. Our shopper was taken aback. Caught flatfooted. It is hard to know what to say in the moment, especially if one is feeling challenged by a stranger for her food selection. She opted not to say anything, but the experience stayed with her.

As we discussed what happened and possible responses we realized it was a perfect example of 'even a stupid comment is better than no comment at all'. We considered some possible responses.

'What makes you say that?' 'Tell me more.'

'Thank you for noticing. Are you interested in knowing why I don't have meat in my cart?'

And, my favorite: 'Are you concerned for my health? that's kind of you. Tell me more.'

What I love about this idea that 'any comment is better than no comment at all', is that it gives us an opportunity to engage, stay playful if possible (even if we're being challenged), maybe educate. At the least, we know we've had some kind of impact—the results of that impact are not up to us. Who knows what the cashier might glean from the exchange. Instead of getting defensive, or feeling the need to explain, we engage.

We can stay light, playful, and maybe plant a vegan seed of compassion.

Anne’s Response:

Suzanne, Thanks for writing this! I’m so glad it resonated and I wanted to take a minute to respond. I’ve had the pleasure of running tables with you and the idea that any comment at all is better than no comment is something I learned in those experiences. I didn’t want to live my life in a constant state of annoyance and, what I realized, is that my state is not the other person’s fault or responsibility. Connected closely with the mindset that all comments are welcome is my decision to presume positive intent.

For example, I’m putting myself as best I can in the mind of the participant who talked about her experience with the cashier. I may notice my knee-jerk response to feel annoyed but then I observe that response, wonder about it and move towards reframing it. The annoyance comes from my own assumptions and judgments. I might think, this cashier has some nerve. He’s ignorant. His comment is nonsense. He’s judging me. Why does everyone have to give me a hard time? The list of ways I can create a (likely) false narrative in my head seems endless. But, now, instead of just reacting from these knee-jerk thoughts, I can stop, listen to myself weave the narrative and interrupt that process. I can fully accept that I have zero mind-reading skills so, if I’m going to assume anything, why not assume the most positive intent?

In addition to the connecting responses you mentioned, I might say any of the following:

“Hey! You noticed that? Keen eye! Yes, I’ve been vegan for a long time and I find it such a nourishing way to live. Thanks for noticing!”

“You know, you remind me of my grandmother who always expressed concern that I would die of malnutrition. She was very loving and concerned for my well-being and, just like us, she was taught that we humans had to eat animals in order to live. But, don’t worry—I’ve done lots of research and learned that eating this way is actually one of the healthiest things I can do, for me AND the animals.”

I’m not trying to change that person’s mind because to me, this seems like a fool’s errand. I’m trying to be honest and I’m trying to connect with another person. Perhaps within that connection, there’s room for him to see things in a different way. At the same time, there’s room for me to grow in my own empathic maturity by challenging my own assumptions and engaging what one of my favorite counselors, Carl Rogers, called unconditional positive regard. 

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