1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where
it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.
2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird
places as you get older.
3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to
take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.
4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good
5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some
people might actually think you're cute.
6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or
an old shoe can entertain you for hours.
7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.
8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner.
You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight,
it's someone else's fault.
9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always
excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the
room for five minutes and come back.
10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.
Go on to Excuses
For Horse Racing
Return to 19 April 2000 Issue
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