Animal Writes
27 June 2001 Issue
Things McDonalds Hasn't Told You

The Top 5 List 

Copyright 2001 by Chris White

Recently it was reported that in the United States, McDonald's has been cooking their French fries in beef fat at their processing plants before freezing them and shipping them to the restaurants, where they're fried again, this time in vegetable oil. As you might imagine, American Hindus and vegetarians are pretty upset about this. Kind of makes you wonder just what *else* McDonald's might be hiding, doesn't it?

The Top 16 Other Things McDonald's Hasn't Told You

16. The shakes? Also fried in beef fat.

15. Tell the vegetarians to brace themselves; we have some bad news about the salads.

14. Want to avoid beef fat altogether? Try our hamburgers.

13. Mayor McCheese has had five coronary bypass surgeries.

12. Burgers that don't sell after two days spend the rest of the month as "Filet-O-Fish."

11. The Hamburglar MUST dress like that because of Megan's Law.

10. McNuggets are shaped to honor the states with lenient meat-handling laws.

9. The reason we wear rubber gloves is for OUR protection, not yours.

8. The real Ronald McDonald died in 1969, trying to wrestle the controls of a small plane from an inebriated Hamburglar.

7. We never asked; we just assumed you'd prefer it lukewarm.

6. The Bible might be a series of allegorically instructive fables, rather than historically factual accounts.

5. You can McNugget almost anything and people still think it's chicken.

4. If our lawsuit succeeds, many Irish people will lose the first two letters of their surname, as did Hammer.

3. We modeled Ronald on a painting by John Wayne Gacy.

2. Actually, seeing you smile kind of creeps us out.

and's Number 1 Other

Thing McDonald's Hasn't Told You...

1. "Okay, you got us; there aren't really any salads back here."

Go on to Kittens Are Magic, But,,,
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