By Greg Lawson - ParkStRanger@aol.com
"Do you want the gas?"
"Of course I want the gas, why do you think I keep coming back here?"
He adjusts the mask over my nose. "Ok, just breathe slow and easy, and
I'll be right back."
Slow and easy, sure. snort snort snort snort
Susan, the dental hygienist comes into the room. "Hi,
"Hey, nice t-shirt," she says. I am wearing my Save an Animal Eat a
Vegetable shirt. "Where did you get it?"
"It was a gift from the director of the Humane Society of El Paso."
"I wish I had one like that for my seven year old, she's a vegetarian."
"Hey, that's great. Are you?"
"I was in college for about three years, but then I slipped."
"Let me guess...you married a meat-eater."
"Why did your daughter go vegetarian?"
"She just decided that she didn't want to eat animals."
I make a mental note to shop online for a t-shirt for
Susan's kid. I love to have Susan clean my teeth, it's an erotic
experience when she holds my face and applies lip balm. And those rubber
gloves !! snort snort snort
"Are you getting excited about your trip?" Did she
notice my excitement?
I am pleased that she remembered that I told her during my last visit
that I am going to speak at AR2002 in Washington.
"I sure am, Susan."
"Have you picked out your outfits. Sheesh, now I am talking like a
She is looking like one too. snort "Yes, I have actually. I have several
new vegan t-shirts."
"Be sure and bring back pictures. Maybe I'll even see you on the news."
"Only if my plane goes down."
"Oh no, don't say that," she waves and leaves the room.
Some people not on nitrous oxide don't find plane
crashes proper joke material.
I listen to the Muzak and wish it were the Beatles.
Sandra, the dentist's assistant comes in and says "Hi, Greg."
"Hi, Sandra." You know that you are going to the dentist WAY too often
when you remember the names of everyone in the office. But hey, I like
"Hey, nice t-shirt," she says.
"My daughter-in-law is a vegetarian." She begins stuffing cotton balls
in my mouth.
I think about telling her that I already have cotton mouth from the keg
party last night, but I hold my breath, no actually, I snort snort that
"One day she came home from school and announced she was a vegetarian.
She had a philosophy class at UTEP with Dr. Steve Best."
"Uuu don no ho many imes I ave eard tat same storee" I mumbled.
Sheesh, that Steve Best. I wish I had a job like his, surrounded by
college girls, showing videos of slaughterhouses and talking about
veganism. But for now I have the laughing gas. snooort
The point of this article is Good AR Activists Don't Do
Drugs, unless you are at the dentist's office, and....Be sure to wear
vegan message tee shirts, they really get conversations going.
[Editor's Note: AR2002 ended on July 3, be sure to read
Animal Writes next week for "ParkStRanger Goes to Washington."]
Go on to Tonight A
Kitten Died In My Hands
Return to 7 July 2002 Issue
Return to Newsletters
** Fair Use Notice**
This document may contain copyrighted material, use of which has not been
specifically authorized by the copyright owners. I believe that this
not-for-profit, educational use on the Web constitutes a fair use of the
copyrighted material (as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright
Law). If you wish to use this copyrighted material for purposes of your
own that go beyond fair use, you must obtain permission from the copyright