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From  Issue
7 July 2002
ParkStRanger Goes to the Dentist

By Greg Lawson - ParkStRanger@aol.com

"Do you want the gas?"
"Of course I want the gas, why do you think I keep coming back here?"
He adjusts the mask over my nose. "Ok, just breathe slow and easy, and I'll be right back."
Slow and easy, sure. snort snort snort snort

Susan, the dental hygienist comes into the room. "Hi, Greg."
"Hi Susan."
"Hey, nice t-shirt," she says. I am wearing my Save an Animal Eat a Vegetable shirt. "Where did you get it?"
"It was a gift from the director of the Humane Society of El Paso."
"I wish I had one like that for my seven year old, she's a vegetarian."
"Hey, that's great. Are you?"
"I was in college for about three years, but then I slipped."
"Let me guess...you married a meat-eater."
"That's right."
"Why did your daughter go vegetarian?"
"She just decided that she didn't want to eat animals."

I make a mental note to shop online for a t-shirt for Susan's kid. I love to have Susan clean my teeth, it's an erotic experience when she holds my face and applies lip balm. And those rubber gloves !! snort snort snort

"Are you getting excited about your trip?" Did she notice my excitement?
I am pleased that she remembered that I told her during my last visit that I am going to speak at AR2002 in Washington.
"I sure am, Susan."
"Have you picked out your outfits. Sheesh, now I am talking like a woman."
She is looking like one too. snort "Yes, I have actually. I have several new vegan t-shirts."
"Be sure and bring back pictures. Maybe I'll even see you on the news."
"Only if my plane goes down."
"Oh no, don't say that," she waves and leaves the room.

Some people not on nitrous oxide don't find plane crashes proper joke material.
I listen to the Muzak and wish it were the Beatles.
Sandra, the dentist's assistant comes in and says "Hi, Greg."
"Hi, Sandra." You know that you are going to the dentist WAY too often when you remember the names of everyone in the office. But hey, I like the gas.
"Hey, nice t-shirt," she says.
"Thanks."
"My daughter-in-law is a vegetarian." She begins stuffing cotton balls in my mouth.
I think about telling her that I already have cotton mouth from the keg party last night, but I hold my breath, no actually, I snort snort that noxious oxide.
"One day she came home from school and announced she was a vegetarian. She had a philosophy class at UTEP with Dr. Steve Best."
"Uuu don no ho many imes I ave eard tat same storee" I mumbled.
Sheesh, that Steve Best. I wish I had a job like his, surrounded by college girls, showing videos of slaughterhouses and talking about veganism. But for now I have the laughing gas. snooort

The point of this article is Good AR Activists Don't Do Drugs, unless you are at the dentist's office, and....Be sure to wear vegan message tee shirts, they really get conversations going.

[Editor's Note: AR2002 ended on July 3, be sure to read Animal Writes next week for "ParkStRanger Goes to Washington."]

Go on to Tonight A Kitten Died In My Hands
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