©2001 by Mark Sutton -
1. My parents fed me dead animals N years ago and they
obviously knew what was good for me, just like the plastic white bread,
red dye, DDT, and cigarettes.
2. McDonald's, Burger King, and Wendy's, have all done
exhaustive nutritional research on diet in their extensive efforts to
produce the most nutritious, healthy, and low fat food in the known
space-time continuum at the lowest price possible for people everywhere.
They pay well and only hire people who are so strong as to not need
health insurance paid by the company they work full-time for.
3. It's obvious that drinking the bodily fluids of
female bovines that are used to fatten up young calves is extremely
healthy for adult human beings of another species entirely.
4. The slaughter of 4 billion animals per year globally
for food is okay, just like terrorism, as long as it isn't in my
5. All those studies of human diet for decades in China
that clearly show a vegetarian diet is the healthiest were obviously
sponsored by organizations that are only interested in telling us what
to do, and don't care about the freedom to enjoy that which can kill you
if used improperly, but it's my option and my right as an American to do
what feels, tastes, smells, is seen as, and is heard as gud. Real gud.
6. You mean you don't like ground up dead cows grilled
and put on a whole-wheat bun slathered with high fructose syrup tomato
sauce, ground up mustard seed sauce, onions, and sliced vinegared &
garliced sugared yellow-dyed cucumbers?
7. The millions of tons of livestock excrement and urine
dumped into our ecosystem will produce, through the laws of evolution,
even stronger plants, animals, and humans. Nature likes a challenge, and
the decreased clean water, lesser productive soil, and more unbreathable
air will just make all living things tougher through Natural Selection.
8. The FDA has a great track record for knowing what's
good for us: at least 50% of the drugs they approve don't have any
unforeseen side effects. (note: real stat)
9. Fermented/congealed cow and goat fluid discharges,
rotting chunks of pig, decaying slabs of cow, and often infected pieces
of chicken anatomy are so good for you, we need the USDA to spend
millions of our tax dollars every year promoting their consumption, and
warn you that you need to cook 'em at high temperatures to kill any bad
microorganisms in them that the USDA doesn't have the resources to check
for, that slaughterhouses don't check for, and that can kill you and
currently make hundreds of thousands of people sick every year. If
vegetables were so important we'd spend more than a million dollars a
year promoting them (note: that's a real stat).
10. Just look at the numbers of doctors and
nutritionists, as well as television commercials, advocating eating at
least 4 to 5 servings of meat every day. They couldn't do that if it
weren't true and they weren't paid enough.
11. Eating meat is like driving an SUV (substitute
"smaller car" for "plant-based food sources"): it's more dangerous than
plant-based food sources, uses up more natural resources than
plant-based food sources, puts out more greenhouse gas pollution than
plant-based food sources (potentially endangering all life on this
planet), promotes environmental degradation, and is a symbol of my
God-given freedom in this greatest country in the world to do whatever I
want to whatever I want as long as I don't do the killing unless it's
the right season in the right place.
12. There was this guy in North Dakota who ate nothing
but meat all his life, smoked, and drank like a fish. With enough
practice, we can do the same. It's "no pain no gain." Genetics,
13. Bringing home a big chunk of cutup dead cow muscles,
a bird's cut-up chest flesh, or ground-up pig organs stuffed into
intestinal sacs, and cooking the hell outta them for my family, is one
of the greatest joys and freedoms in the world, and demostrates how much
I love my husband/wife and children, and want them to be healthy and
live happy productive disease-free long lives. God Bless Us All.
14. Ain't nuthin' like clarified bovine fluid fried dead
chicken embryos with pig fat fried stripped slices of pig flesh on the
side, and a steaming cup of coffee bean juice with female cow lactations
and a buncha refined sugar to getcha ready for a cold winter day at the
office. All part of balanced meal.
15. It tastes gud. Real gud.
(just in case someone got this far and though otherwise,
I've been a vegetarian for 20 years... MSS)
Go on to Millions in
Legal Fees to Defend a Principle
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