Fear of Dying
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Fear of Dying
Comments by Heidi Huse - 20 Dec 2004


Thanks. It's easy to be kind and patient in writing--I'm a better communicator in writing than in person; not so easy--at least for me--to be patient face-to-face, a "stumbling block" I've wrestled with for years...I talk first and think (usually regret) later. It's also easy to be compassionate with needy animals, not so easy with unkind humans.

It's also much easier to cast judgment, for some reason, than it is to be trusting, open-minded, thinking the best and giving the benefit of the doubt, and maintaining hope. I would have made a great monastic mystic--writing all my profound thoughts on animal advocacy from the sterile, isolated world of a cloistered life! Unfortunately, I live in the real world and have very real world "issues"! As do we all...until we, with creation, are fully reconciled with our Father. That's not an excuse, just an awareness.

In spite of my frequent moaning on this list, I do know that God is still in charge and He loves us unconditionally, and I do know the salvation of the world doesn't rest with me (thankfully!!!)...my despair and impatience just gets the best of me much of the time and I get afraid that things will never get better.

The surface waves of my life billow and roll continuously, and can rage like the perfect storm just at the news of another idiot animal abuser/exploiter, or hear in the news that a woman was brutally killed and her 8-month old unborn baby cut out of her, or hear that the unfathomable genocide is still continuing unabated in Darfur (or when I'm reading a student's paper, get on Google, and find the exact paper on the Internet--that sets me off as well). But in spite of my surface wavering, God somehow keeps hold of the depths strong and true.


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