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This page was established 2 January 1998, and updated 09 February 2003
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of Levity - Part 2
Compiled by Alan Nash
Submitted 12 Oct 1998 by Maynard S. Clark
Bishop & Mrs Meare were once again basking amidst their self importance at one of Mrs Meare's candlelight suppers. During a delicious desert course the vain, trifling guests were shocked to hear Bishop Meare openly chastising his 12-year-old son, Ian over the boy's crude table manners. Sounding sarcastic, Bishop Mear declared, ''son, you eat like a pig. A pig, I say!''
Ian blushed and looked awkwardly towards his mother. Meanwhile Bishop Meare inquired, ''son, since you choose to eat like a pig, I ask you, what IS a pig? Answer me, what IS a pig? Again, the boy glanced awkwardly towards his mother. Then, turning towards his father he said, ''Dad, a pig is the son of a sow!''
At the recently opened Community Church an inovative designer had errected over each inside door, a suitable Bible verse. So, over the auditorium were the words, ''O worship the Lord.'' But, especially noteworthy was the Bible verse over the nursery entrance which read, ''We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed !"
Nothing dies faster than a ... new idea at ... some church business meetings !
EPITAPH OVER A PASTOR'S GRAVE:
Go tell the church that I'm dead,
But they need shed no tears;
For though I'm dead - I'm no more dead
Than they have been for years ! !
EPITAPH OVER A DENTIST'S GRAVE:
''Filling my last cavity.''
The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe. The missionary asked the cannibal chief, ''Do you people know anything about religion?'' After a pause, the chief answered, ''We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here.''
Brother Joel had grown disatisfied with monastry life. It had obviously done little for Bro Joel (32). One spring this monk decided to leave the monastry whereupon he travelled to Alberta and decided to apply for work below ground as coal miner. At a mine north of Drumheller he was interviewed by a hard-faced, male recruiter named, Nick.
When Nick confronted Bro Joel, he sighed (with intollerance). Joel gave every appearance of being slow witted and clearly he knew almost nothing about coal mines. Finally, Nick posed his general inteligence question; a routine simple question which asked, ''If I were to pick up this sharp knife and cut off your left ear, which of your senses would be most impaired?'' At this the corners of Joel's mouth betrayed a smile. The smile spread and about then Joel replied, ''It's easy ! If you cut off my left ear my VISION would be much impaired.''
The recruiter gasped. How could anyone be so un-informed. ''Please explain to me how me cutting off your left ear would impair your VISION?" Still smiling, Bro Joel responded, ''Sir if you cut off my left ear then my eye glasses would fall off and without them I can barely see. So, my answer was right.''
At our church business meeting the janitor called for some sweeping reforms.
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