Did you hear about Maud? You didn’t? Well, let me fill you in,
She was caught-out shoplifting, with that low-down girl called Lynn.
I really wasn’t surprised, I’ve always wondered about her,
And this I’ve often mentioned, not that I’m the type to stir.
Hey, did you hear about Bob, you know, Bob as in bobby,
The one who joined the police, the one we all thought snobby?
You didn’t? It’s quite a story, not that I like telling tales,
But they say that he prefers, just the company of males.
Did you hear about Keith? No? Well, just between you and I,
I heard that he assaulted, an innocent passer-by.
Not that I would have thought it, for I like to think the best,
But from what I understand, it appears that he confessed.
Did you hear about Tony? No? Wow! Seems you don’t hear much,
They say he was faking it, hobbling around on a crutch.
Just ripping off the system, pretending his leg was crook,
Until someone caught him out, when surveillance, they undertook.
Oh, did you hear about Joan? You didn’t? Well, I’m not surprised,
They tried to keep it quite, hoped she wasn’t recognized.
But someone saw the photo, and placed it where some could see;
Very few know about it, and nor would you, if it weren’t for me.
Did you hear about Stella? No? I thought everyone knew,
It was most unexpected, not something folk thought she’d do.
She eloped with her boyfriend, in the middle of the night,
But there you go, you never know, ’though, I guessed that she might.
And did you hear about Martha? You didn’t? Well, it’s like this,
She just loves to wag her tongue, and her ears, nothing will miss.
She’s one to keep away from, someone that you just can’t trust,
And before I forget, remember, don’t pass on what we’ve discussed.