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31 January 1999 Issue

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee
table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house
when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after
processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up with my cold, wet nose on her bottom.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's
raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license
and car registration.

-- Anonymous

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