When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch
positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your
food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing
a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for
it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing
in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't
help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am
very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch
to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can
actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that
sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end
to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door
shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or
get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using the
bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs
or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple
change for you.
To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our
Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my companion animal better than I like most people.
4. To you it's an animal. To me he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money
all the time, and are easier to train. They usually come when called,
never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't drink
or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and don't make
promises they can't keep.
Go on to Free Advanced
TNR Webinar by PETsMART Charities
Return to 29 May 2005 Issue
Return to Newsletters
** Fair Use Notice**
This document may contain copyrighted material, use of which has not been
specifically authorized by the copyright owners. I believe that this
not-for-profit, educational use on the Web constitutes a fair use of the
copyrighted material (as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright
Law). If you wish to use this copyrighted material for purposes of your
own that go beyond fair use, you must obtain permission from the copyright